je suis très désolé
très désolé
truly sorry

for being away so long once again.

fear not
words fill my mind
so many tales to tell.

so for now
live lust love

I’ll be back soon


October 29, 2007. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

a chinatown halloween

I see Jesus,
well someone dressed as Jesus.
With a crown of thorns
and a corduroy blazer.

Two dressed as fat men,
a cat
a superhero
a freedom fighter and gold grills.

The loft space is small and cramped
and vintage hip hop eats away at the rotting molding.
Far beyond capacity I am terrified that the ground will rip beneath us.

I light cigarette after cigarette and watch the CK model become friends with the emo kid.
Watch as Courtney Love stumbles across the room biting at her red stained mouth.
halloween weekend.
an excuse to get dressed up, fucked up and take some one home.

I can’t stay.
My legs twitches as I sit restlessly on the thigh of CK model.
Cute he is, smart he is not.
I feel him hard underneath me.
I could take him home, instead I let his fingers tickle my stomach before I leave and throw kisses at my friends.

I speed walk down spadina.
wanting smiling blue pills on the tip of my tongue
wanting my tongue to find Seb’s mouth and kiss him hard
wanting to spend the rest of the night tangled in his limbs
whispering joy division
as siren songs cut down the street.

October 28, 2007. C'est Moi. 1 comment.

put you to bed

It comes in flashes
these sex haze memories.

I sit astride him
slowly griding my hips against him.

He breathes deep and heavy
as he enters me gently.

My lips hard on his
as I scream in to his mouth.

His eyes watching my body move, back arched
legs wide.

I tug at his shirt as we lie in the dark,
covering his chest in red kisses.

never breaking rythm
never breaking time
my way
your way
stroke suck kiss bite inhale exhale dirty sexy

up against the wall
legs wrapped tight around you
skin sore
ripped up by brick wall

He puts me to bed
slides up my body
He puts me to bed
wraps me in nothing but his love
He puts me to bed
He puts me to bed.

October 16, 2007. love, men, sex. 5 comments.

once again

Seb senses my distance,my worry, my weakness.
I wear guilt on my shoulder
and try to hide the pain trapped behind my eyes.
I focus on his touch instead, as his fingers roam.
Bury my head in the nape of his neck.
Taking his smell in.
he is good. he is good.
I must keep repeating it.
he is good.
he is good.

Rabba. Fresh fruit aisle.
Red leggings emerges carrying a green basket filled with milk and candy
and I watch her stunned.
She barely glances at me before I realise
RL is here with D.
Still together I see.
I try to disappear, unnoticed behind the tower of paper towels.
He spots me, steps out of the aisle to say hello and hug me
RL watches all this closely, trying to read the body language
and affection he shows me.

I sit on a bench now.
Church and Isabella
Eating strawberries that stain my lips and teeth
waiting for time to roll by
waiting for the fuzzy ache to subside.
Message Received- beeps my cell

tonight at 9. Love D.

October 15, 2007. C'est Moi, love. 2 comments.

truth be told

I find it hard to lie
or at least i used too
Yet false words tumble out of my mouth
with such convincing ease.
I shock myself sometimes
at what I find myself saying
at any given moment.
What is it I lie about?
About the man lying right next to me.

D is back.
I see him for quick lunches
and illicit sex.
I lie to Seb, tell him there is no one but he for my bed.
As D dips lazily underneath the covers
between legs.

October 14, 2007. C'est Moi, dating, sex. 2 comments.

tmi tuesday

1. Wash up, cuddle or fall asleep?

hmm this depends on who i am with. Usually it’s in that order, or we cuddle I throw him out and then i fall asleep.

2. Have you ever faked an orgasm?

in all honesty, yes i have. Only to end certain terrible sexual experiences or to preserve the dignity of the man that i was with at the time.

3. In a 24 hour period, what is the most number of times you have ever had sex?

i do believe it was an Olympic scale marathon. some where between 6 to 8 times which led to a sunday morning spent on the couch in pain and two broken lamps.

4. Have you ever had sex or give/received oral sex while you were driving a car?

I have yet to try this one out, I have never given or received where there has been a moving car involved. I need to date more boys with cars! lol

5. What do you think the average number of sexual partners your sex has in their lifetime?

hmm good question, I am not sure really. As a woman I haven’t had that many sexual partners, and neither have some of my closest friends. We’ve all been increasingly selective too as we have such a tight group of people to be with you tend to cross pollinate. But I do know women who have been with a significant number. so it depends really, on who you are and what you are comfortable in doing.

6. Do you think most people lie when asked?

probably, although i really don’t see what the point is. i don’t think sexual experience is something you can really fake, so if you lie about that you are bound to get caught eventually.

Bonus: Can men and women just be friends?

I would say yes, as long as there is no sexual attraction between the two. If there is then the inevitable is bound to happen. TRUST me.

October 9, 2007. tmi tuesday. Leave a comment.

weak become heroes

yo, they could settle wars with this
if only they will
imagine the world’s leaders on pills
and imagine the morning after
wars causing disaster

I watch him bend and inhale
one line. two lines.
white powder flits and darts across the shiny black surface it rests on.
bodies twist together tightly waiting for their turn.

I’ve never really been one for cocaine.
ecstasy has always been my vice of choice.
why can’t that come back.
ecstasy makes me fuck like a porn star
ecstasy make me dance like a rock star

geezers on e’s and first timers
kids on wizz darlings on charlie
all come together for this party

I am lying on his ugly tweed couch
with nothing on my a old white t shirt and red lipstick.
My idea of dirty sexy.
Seb and I have just had about three round of passionate amour, and it looks like my man can’t pull him self together just yet.
So I let the warmth of my buzzing laptop burn on my skin, keeping me warm till he wakes.

October 8, 2007. C'est Moi. 1 comment.