scars that bind

D can’t seem to believe it.
That I’ve walked away.

I’ve tried so many times before.
Each count I’ve failed.

There is a pull about him.
An allure that is hard to shake off.
An addiction that I try to scratch away.

The phone rings and it’s him.
Filling my ears with shoulda, woulda, coulda
But he hasn’t.

A part of me wants to take him home
Rip the shirt right off his back
Scratch at his skin
Leave scars like those that mark my heart.


September 27, 2007. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.


September 26, 2007. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

tmi tuesday

1. Who did you think you would marry in elementary school?

elementary school?? I had no such thoughts. And I still don’t!
The very thought of the “M” word scares the shit out of me.

2. Which muppet is your favorite? Why?

Miss. Piggy. Cause she was brash, rude and didn’t let any one or any muppet mess with her man.

3. Which politician would you most like to screw? [For pleasure or revenge]

Bill Clinton. I want to know what all the hype is about.

4. How did you first find the g-spot?

Hours spent with best boy mate. He wouldn’t let up until I was very very satisfied. I should call him.

5. What is the best costume you’ve ever worn?

A keep of the grass sign. F’in funny let me tell you. Won two hundred dollars in wine. Yum!

September 25, 2007. Uncategorized. 1 comment.

i never

The game is called i never.
The premise is to find out as much dirt on your friends as possible.

Standing in line watching the scensters go by, we played.
It starts off nice and easy.

i have never made out with a stranger in a bathroom stall.

I raised my hand.
Bathroom stall and a stranger? Tame.

i have never lied to a lover.

I raised my hand again.
More hands followed, eyes wandering hesitantly as past lovers avoided lovers past.

My turn now.

i have never 69’ed on a plane.

Smiling to myself I raised my hand.
A pregnant pause as stunned faces turned towards me.

Who are you? Yoli asked
Where was it?
Who was it with?
What airline?

I bit my tongue, suddenly sorry for my little spill.
Sitting here now I can’t help but wonder if my dear friends think I am quite the slut.

September 24, 2007. C'est Moi, memory. 2 comments.

i want to apologize again
for the lack of posts…
my computer has been on the fritz and i write this with much haste at the local library.
stay tuned for more words….
I promise.

September 12, 2007. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

tmi tuesday

1. Where was the first place you ever had sex?
His bed.Well I should really say his parents bed. hahaha

2. Does size matter? (open to interpretation boys and girls)
I can’t really say. I haven’t been with enough people sexually to really note if there would be a significant difference. It’s been the perfect fit…and I know I am lucky 🙂

3. Have you ever had sex in your office or your place of employment?
..just got back from work…and enjoyed a quickie….I love supply closets.

4. Ever been skinny dipping?
surprisingly I have not, it’s never really come up.

5. Top or bottom?
backwards, forwards or upside down.
It’s all good, it’s all very very good.

Bonus: Where were you September 11, 2001? What were you doing when you first heard about the twin towers?

At Uni, in very very much in shock. All I could think about was my family and where they were at that very moment.

September 11, 2007. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.


“It’s girls like you that make us normal girls look bad.”
Seated under a tree on darkened earth I dug my heels in to the dirt of Trinity Bellwood’s Park. To my right a family of eight eating apples, cherries and poppy seeds. To my left a very angry girl friend.
“I am perfectly normal Yoli.” I had no idea what she was talking about as I watched her pull blades of grass from their roots.
“Normal? Define normal.”
I shrugged and turned my attention back to the happy family. I let their laughter and cherry red lips  wash out Yoli’s complaints.
She was always complaining about something. A dress she wanted but couldn’t afford. A man she wanted but was not thin enough to attract. A love she needed and a void she couldn’t fill.  But mostly Yoli liked to talk about me and all of my short comings.
“Is this about Him?” I asked desperate for raspberry gelato. I could not take her whining for one more moment.
“Him.” She repeated. “Him. I will not let you see Him again.”
Bubbles of laughter escaped my lips before I could bite them back.  She would not let me see Him again.  Surely this was a silly joke.
“I am not joking.”
“And I have got Tello on my side.”
“She is a bitch too.”
bitches. bitches the both of them.
“You will never learn, what else is there for us to do.”
“Do nothing. I have never asked for your help.”
“He is bad for you, the sooner you realize this the better.”
“I want raspberry gelato.”

September 7, 2007. dating. Leave a comment.

my lipgloss is poppin

“I am not that kind of girl.” I whispered brushing my lips against his cheek.  I leaned in so close I could practically taste the mint gum he always loved to chew. Picking my rumpled vintage velvet purse off of the counter I dug about for my lip gloss a standard avoidance maneuver D could clearly read.  We knew each other well enough.
“And what kind of girl that?” He would ask, snapping his gum.
A sign of nervousness that I recognized clearly. I let the silence grow, I wanted him to feel more than the pricks and bites that tickled up and down his arms when I grabbed his fingers.  I wanted more than the standard lust/love reaction.
“The kind of girl that kisses a Boy-Face in public.” I shifted in my seat letting my knee brush his.
“Don’t kiss me then. I won’t mind.”

September 6, 2007. dating, love, memory. 1 comment.

always and forever

“I would like to think that you heart is mine.” He whispered.
Perhaps it was the alcohol messing with my brain
or the drugs skipping through my viens,
surely I wasn’t hearing him correctly.
“What?” I shouted, alarmed at the sound of my voice. Strained and hoarse.
“I would like to think that your heart belongs to be.” He repeated twice this time to be clear.
“Surely you must be joking.” I pushed Him aside and stepped over the kissing couple that gropped about on the floor underneath us. Surley He was joking.
I did not need this now. Not ever. Not again.
Pulling me away from the crowd, the white noise of music and careless chit chat fell away as we headed outside now.
“I want you back.I need you back.”
“I’m seeing someone. You know that.”
“I need you. I need you.”
“That’s always been the problem hasn’t it. You need me, I need you.”
“You admit it then.That you miss me.”
“Ofcourse I miss you. But I am more than fine with out you.”
“Do you love him? Seb?”
“I do.”
“Do you love me?”
I sat in silence afraid of my heart’s answer.
“I do. I will not lie, I do. I always will and I understand that I always will.”

Morning broke.
I lay in bed as Seb stirred in his sleep.
I wanted to wake him
make love to him,
make the fuzzy ache that sat in my chest go away forever.
I let him sleep,
watching his chest rise and fall.
I let him sleep,
thankful that morning had come.

September 6, 2007. dating, love. Leave a comment.

these words are my own

i love you. i love you. i love you.
i think i do.
i hold my breath in hopes that you hold it too.

i sing to Zero 7 and somersault reminds me of you.
i feel my pulse race when i speak of you and fire burns caught in my lungs when
i am near you.

i know you feel the same.
when you fingers touch mine, you pull back.
the electricity bites you
when i kiss the softness behind your ear you tremble,
as i do right now thinking of you

September 4, 2007. love, men. 1 comment.