sometimes

Sometimes I wish that I can be a few pounds thinner.
Sometimes I wish that I had prettier features.
Perhaps my eyes a little larger, my nose a little smaller.

Sometimes I wish that I had more motivation to show people that I am not a complete asshole.
That I can be quite nice.
and I am apologetic when I am moody.

Sometimes when D walks in to the room I feel a little sick.
Like the wind has been sucked out of my lungs and nothing but ash fills its place.
He whispers hurtful things, as he usually does.
Hell hath no fury like a young man scorned.

But I am touched by Seb for 12 seconds and I am alive again.
Pulse beats.
Nerves fire.
and all things sad or forgotten lay forgotten and expired.

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August 27, 2007. dating, love, men. Leave a comment.

get lucky

The sister is watching a movie.
When Harry Met Sally.
She lays across the floor flat on her stomach
while Seb and I share the love seat behind her.

I can feel his hand creep closer towards me, teasing peekaboo pieces of skin.
“Stop” I breath. Taking his hand from traveling any further up my skirt and bring it up to my lips where I kiss his fingers softly.

“We’re going to bed.” I tell sister nudging her with my foot.
As we slide down the hallway our lips locked sister turns the volume up.

August 23, 2007. dating, men. Leave a comment.

sunday

i seize and desist
i surrender
i throw my hands up in the air
and wave my white flag

damn it
i am falling for you
yes.
you.

I tug at your hair
and it feels right
I bite at your lips
and it feels right

I love you in the morning
When you’re still hung over
I love you in the morning
When you’re still strung out

you say i am beautiful
i find it hard to believe
beautiful? I ask
both inside and out. is your reply.

head on my lap
quiet calm
this Wednesday
slips by as if it were a Sunday

I love you in the morning
When you’re still hung over
I love you in the morning
When you’re still strung out

August 22, 2007. dating, love. 1 comment.

my moon, my man

Seb.
He makes things…
fresh
new
clean.

We kiss.
deep
sweet
fast
slow.

He hums
lips brush the nape of my neck.
Butterflies race out from my insides
and to my fingertips.
I hold my breath.

I want him here.
I want him now.

“we wait.” I whisper. Surprised to hear my voice.

His fingers wander.
tease
tickle
bite
tease

“we wait.” Is his reply.

August 17, 2007. dating, men. 1 comment.

un petit moment

work has made me take a back seat.
please forgive me.

minor thoughts tossing about my mind…

  • date with Seb after work tomorrow. (excited!)
  • have simu-date with fuck-buddy to take edge off before work.(horny!)
  • must remember to wear matching lace set.
  • must remember to not jump Seb’s bones.
  • must remember to not return D’s call.
  • must remember to buy more subway tokens.

August 16, 2007. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

single envy

Johnny G’s.
Parliment and Carelton.
Hungover Brunch.

The June sun burnt our skin and lips as we walked from my apartment.
JJ had spent the night with D and I round at my place.

JJ was a pretty young thing with white blond hair, trident white teeth and the sexiest lips.
Dating one of the scenster power players she led the fairy tale life.
commitment sex,drugs on tap, and a discount at AA.
Whether she had noted our drunken fuckfest that took place on the bed next to her she did not say anything.
As usual I had pushed D out of my door and calmed my headache with cataflam and coffee.

“I envy you.”
It took everything I had not to choke on the eggs that now stuck to the roof of my mouth.
Was the girl delirious?
“Envy me? Have you lost your mind!”
What I would give for a cute musician boyfriend who I didn’t have to share.
What I would give for her perfect pout and tiny waist.
What I would give for a discount at AA.
“It must be fun, meeting new people, dating different men.”
She had a point, but I wasn’t about to tell her so.
“Do you know me at all? I’d kill for some stability.To know that the man sleeping next to me is in it for the long haul.”
She shrugged and nodded.
“I’d rather have a man fuck me like D fucked you.”

August 15, 2007. memory. 2 comments.

tmi tuesday

since Seb has now left and wandered back out in to city streets I decided to give this little quizlet a go.
Happy TMI TUESDAY!

1. Define “infidelity” as it relates to a relationship. Have you ever been guilty of infidelity? Have you ever been the victim of infidelity? Have you ever been a participant in someone else’s infidelity?

being either/both physically and emotionally intimate with someone other than your partner.
About 2/3’s of my relationship with D has been of the cheating kind. But I’ve always been the other woman.

2. What is the last thing you stole?

A twix ice cream bar from my managers mini-fridge.

3. Name one place in your country that you have never been but would like to visit and why.

Vancouver would be nice, I have a “friend” out there that I haven’t seen in a while. Take a step back from my current life drama.

4. What movies can you watch over and over again?

Belle Du Jour.When Harry Met Sally.Hoodwinked.

5. Who is the last person you saw naked?

Yoli. We were getting dressed for a night out.

Bonus (as in optional): In honor of the 237 reasons we have sex study. Tell us at least five but not more than ten reason you have had sex.

  1. sex is a great stress releiver
  2. sex is good cardio
  3. sex keeps me sane
  4. sex keeps me off of drugs
  5. there could be worse things i could be doing.

August 14, 2007. Uncategorized. 1 comment.

untitled

Partially cloudy.
The sun barely creeps through the bamboo blinds.
Tuesday, finally a day off.
It’s barely noon and I am already tipsy.

Seb has left work to be with me, lying across my bed.
His long muscular legs stretch and bend as he folds his arms behind his head.
A band of skin peaks between his rumpled gray shirt and dark jean.
I want to run small kisses along it.
Flick my tongue around his navel.
But my door is open.
Bodies roam about the hall.

I look away, tearing my thoughts out from my insides.
I find him watching me, as he always does.
My filthy little mind has been caught.

Still seated on my chair he makes his way to me.
His fingers play with my curls.
The sun hides and shadows fill the room.
I lift his shirt and kiss his tummy once.
twice
three times.

August 14, 2007. C'est Moi, love, men. Leave a comment.

letters to a boy-face.

Dear D,

I realize I can’t hate Red-Leggings.
She loves you.
Like I once did, and sort of still do.
She doesn’t know me, who I am or was to you.
She smiles to much for a girl sharing a boy.
There is no hurt.

Dear D,

What Seb has, you seem to lack.
What Seb has, I need.
What I need is commitment.
I will take it from him,
But do I still wait for you?

Dear D,
Last night was our final night.
I push you out of bed and on to my floor, right next to your clothes.
I watch you pull your jeans on, over your naked legs for the last time.
I watch your chest rise and fall next to mine for the last time.
Your lips crush mine deep and fierce for the last time.
I smell you on my skin and sheets for the last time.

August 13, 2007. dating, love, memory, men, sex. Leave a comment.

doctor doctor

“I think I might be pregnant.”

“What?”

“I think I might be pregnant.”

“WHAT!”

Shame on me for failing to hide the shock and horror in my voice. But surely she was joking.

“I don’t know what to do!”

“You have SEX?”

“Well he kind of stuck it in a little.”

“uh-huh”

“But he doesn’t know if he…you know.”

“As in he does not know whether or not he came.”

“Yeah.”

“And this guy wants to be a doctor??”
She ignored my question and proceeded.

“I feel nauseous and morning sick like.”

“When did you guys, um do the dirty.”

“Yesterday.”

August 12, 2007. C'est Moi. Leave a comment.

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